


Delight and Alive

by somnimae



Category: IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-28
Updated: 2016-06-28
Packaged: 2018-07-14 15:00:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7176626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somnimae/pseuds/somnimae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <span class="small"></span>
  <br/>
  <em>But, we're together now, right?</em>
  <br/>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Delight and Alive

Worries still haunt Ten, crushing his chest, as he thinks about Riku. Even now, even when he sees a more mature Riku, smiling and laughing next to him, Ten remains steadfast as he did when they were apart and when he was just a child.

It frightened Ten whenever Riku began to fight for breath. Though his hand is firm, warm and soothing to Riku while it rested on the younger twin’s back. All Ten could do was wait and remain a calm strength supporting Riku through his attack. Ten hid well that deep down inside, he was anything but that. 

He choked when he saw Riku pale and yearning in the stale hospital room, his twin insisting that he was fine and that they should play together in the snow. All behind a smile. As much as Ten wanted to, he always did what he had to—think of Riku’s health and gently let him down again. Again and again. All with a kind smile. They were both in pain, Ten knew, the difference was Ten suppressed it well—and he was praised for it.

The next day, Ten delivered a small snowman in his small frozen hands, and set it upon the windowsill. Riku’s smile hopeful and shimmering in contrast with the stark forlorn winter. (“Careful,” he wanted to say, “you could melt it, Riku.”

The next day, it does)

Having put Riku’s happiness before his own, the very fact that his twin could experience even an ounce of delight became Ten’s very own joy. If he could, he’d switch places with Riku, but he disliked the idea of Riku going through the feelings of Ten’s storming heart, to have the thoughts he’s had (even the ones as they grew older, of the time for himself sacrificed and pushed aside).

It would be easier on all of them if Ten wasn’t in the equation (Not Riku. Not ever Riku). Especially with the struggling business, with debts, and with the financial burdens. Logically, it would be easier for their parents to financially support a single sickly child. All of their attention would be on Riku. That’s what he needed.

Ten couldn’t actually erase himself from existence (Foolish, he laughs at himself later, recalling that it had been easy removing himself from the family registry. There had been no regrets), that was too permanent. Leaving with Kujou was the only way. This. This was temporary. 

It’s not as if it never occurred to him that Riku would eventually grow to despise him. Hate him. Never forgive him. Those things were fine. Not because he believed Riku would still love Ten regardless—not any of that. 

Riku would be _alive_.

Perhaps lost or broken without him, but time heals. Ten knows. The scars on his own heart tells tales of each and every crack that formed as he thought of Riku: imagining a young and healthy redhead playing among a playground, hearing a child cough and he boils hot water to serve with honey, flipping pancakes for breakfast because that’s what Riku would have liked that morning, glaring at cuddly troublemakers that Riku would love to squeeze in his small arms, attempting to sleep as he waits and expects the weight of his twin’s head on his stomach, and turning to smile at Riku and instead finding a stranger or an empty space. All of this reminding Ten that he brought this upon himself. 

That day, Ten didn’t want to say goodbye. So he didn’t. He merely walked away with Kujou’s hand on his shoulder, leading Ten away from Riku, his home. He was sure—absolutely sure—that he would see Riku again one day. Perhaps pass each other by on the streets, or if he was lucky, he would spot his twin’s radiant red hair in the crowd of TRIGGER’s live. In his dreams if he had to. To just close his eyes to feel the warmth of Riku’s head resting on his stomach, the tenderness when they held hands, and the devotion in their happy embraces. Imagining all this constantly reminded Ten of his frail confidence and the lies he tells himself, believing he’d see Riku. Somewhere. Anywhere.

Riku, vibrant and full of color, reminds Ten that the peace and joy he finds in the vivid reds of dawn and sunset still exist.

That’s all that mattered then. 

That’s all that matters now.

**Author's Note:**

> I gain my i7 knowledge through translations and whatever I pick up through TL. (though I haven't read the recent ones oops)
> 
> One of three Ten angsts that I've written that I've actually posted. Yay go me!
> 
> I think about Ten a lot and I still lie in my bed thinking about the reasons Ten left Riku when he loved him so much. After it was revealed (and in the mess of twin angst), it turned from thoughts of why did he to what was going on in his head. He's not JUST an ass, and while yes, he can be/is an ass, to the point where I too want to lovingly tap his face with my fist. But, when I think about it there's more to it than that and--
> 
> Ugh, why did Kujou Ten happen to me. I really love him.  
> Talk about Ten with me.


End file.
